I don’t have inspiring warm stories from my childhood or wisdom imparted to me by parents or relatives to share with you, but I will share three gifts I gave myself.
I grew up in a judgmental world and those judgments came from many directions—family, teachers and classmates, and finally bosses and colleagues—none of which did much to build self-esteem or confidence.
As the Talmud says, “We do not see the world as it is. We see the world as we are.”
‘As we are’ refers to our MAP (mindset, attitude, philosophy™).
Moreover, we see it as we are on that particular day, at that particular moment, and it changes even as our MAP changes, minute to minute.
But those changes can’t be forced upon us—we have free choice regarding what to create internally and which to accept and reject externally.
Choosing means being aware, but by setting up three basic filters you can automate much of the process.
- Life happens, people react and act out, but that doesn’t mean you have to let their act in.
- Consider the source of the comment before considering the comment, then let its effect on you be in direct proportion to your respect for that source.
- Use mental imagery to defuse someone’s effect on you. This is especially useful against intimidation. Do it by having your mental image of the person be one that strips power symbols and adds amusement. (One that works well and that I’ve shared with many people over the years is to picture the person, first thing in the morning, perched, straining, on the throne.)
I hope you will accept and use these gifts; they have stood me in good stead for decades.
Have a wonderful holiday weekend.
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Miki,
Thank you for these three gifts. As one who struggles with self esteem at times, I appreciate knowing what works for you. I have to constantly remind myself not to take people’s behavior personally. In most cases, it works for me to remind myself that it’s not personal, it’s business.
I hope you enjoy the holiday season, Miki!
Hi Becky, I’m glad you found value in them.
I think many people struggle with self esteem; what I find sad is that so many of them raised their children with a sense of entitlement because they confused self esteem with being “special.” I believe that self esteem equates to self-worth and that special equates to what a person does and accomplishes beyond financial considerations.
I wish you and your family a warm and loving Christmas and a satisfying 2011.